-- OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE, CAMBRIDGE, MA

Since the eagerly anticipated return of full residential life to campus this fall, many Harvard students have reported that the state of their dorm rooms violate multiple local Cambridge safety codes concerning black mold and bad taste. 

CAMBRIDGE, MA – Citing the fiscal benefits of arson insurance fraud, Harvard University President Drew G. Faust set Kirkland House aflame on Thursday.

CAMBRIDGE, MA— Upon releasing its Housing Day video album, Kirkland House has been met with a fair number of accusations of sexism, among many things; however, Kirkland House would like to reaffirm its support for women.

“They came to me with an idea to represent our house in a fun and lighthearted way. When they told me we were going to shoot a video of several faceless, half-naked, human-boar hybrid women gyrating around a room and assuming various sexual positions, I told them, ‘Wow, I think you’re on to something!’,” said Kirkland House in an interview.