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Mormon

Gay Community Bars Mormons

SALT LAKE CITY, UT--In a statement released to leaders in the community last Thursday, the gay community has solidified its policy on the Mormon Church. The community, while historically anti-Mormon, has come out in a shocking new statement that children born in a Mormon household may not receive a gay blessing or be gay baptized until they are 18. The community further stipulated that these children would have to formally denounce Mormonism.

Mormon Underwear Undergoes Revamp

In place of the modest two-piece, the Church of Latter-Day Saints now offers a wide array of red, hot-pink, and leather thongs, ass-less chaps, and more. The Mormon community is buzzing about this exciting change.

“I can’t wait to throw on a Jeee-sus string,” said grinning former-presidential candidate Mitt Romney. “It will only be More-man on display,” he chuckled, “But really, it turns me on.”

Even Glenn Beck showed some excitement at the news.

“It’s just so liberating,” he said, sporting a fluffy pink brassiere. “I’ve never felt so giddy.”