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Pope to Give up Slathering Himself in Cream Cheese and Robbing Bagel Stores for Lent

VATICAN CITY -- In a press conference this past Sunday, Pope Francis stated, “Lent is a time for reflection. It is a time to face our vices, desires, and temptations. And that is why this Lent I’m going to stop slathering myself in a thick layer of smooth cream cheese and robbing local bagel stores.”