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Pope Francis

Pope to Give up Slathering Himself in Cream Cheese and Robbing Bagel Stores for Lent

VATICAN CITY -- In a press conference this past Sunday, Pope Francis stated, “Lent is a time for reflection. It is a time to face our vices, desires, and temptations. And that is why this Lent I’m going to stop slathering myself in a thick layer of smooth cream cheese and robbing local bagel stores.”

Pope Francis to Ask God Whether Headphones Get Tangled in Heaven

THE VATICAN – Today Pope Francis, leader of the Catholic Church, announced that he will consult God on whether headphones get tangled in Heaven.

The Bishop of Rome himself issued a statement to Catholics worldwide in which he said, "For years we, God's children, have been wondering whether our headphones will remain tangled in Heaven. Well, I've been poring over the scripture and thousands of pages of Catholic teachings, and I've found nothing. Total bupkis. I'm going to have to defer to the Man Upstairs on this one."

Pope Francis Names 17 New Cardinals…And Two Pigeons

VATICAN CITY – Pope Francis recently had the honor of naming 17 beautiful cardinals and two honorary mediocre-looking pigeons in a deeply sentimental naming ceremony this past weekend.

The red cardinals migrated nearly 4,000 miles to greet the Pope at his residency in Vatican City. The Pope was reportedly standing on his balcony, gazing majestically off into the distance when he heard the beautiful song of “twittle twittle, twee twoo tee tee” and whipped out his professional bird-watching binoculars in pure excitement.

Who Said It? Pope Francis or Jaden Smith?

Take SatireV's newest quiz! Answers at the bottom.
 
  1. Grace is not part of consciousness; it is the amount of light in our souls, not knowledge nor reason.
  2. You Can Discover Everything You Need To Know About Everything by Looking At Your Hands
  3. Right now, we don't have a very good relation with creation.
  4. You Think You Get It. YOU DONT YOU DONT YOU DONT!!!!!!!