SatireV

Breaking

and entering

Slytherin

Area Harvard Student Constantly Mentally Editing the “Early Life” Section of His Future Wikipedia Page

A screenshot of Rakesh Khurana's wikipedia page showing the Early Life and Education Heading with edit button

CAMBRIDGE, MA — Area Harvard student Adam Shapiro ’24, a “social junior, academic sophomore,” Gov concentrator, and deeply uncommitted member of Leverett House, is reported to always be mentally editing the “Early Life” section of what he anticipates will be his future Wikipedia page. What Adam will actually be famous for, however, remains to be seen. 

Slytherin House Title Change

He's literally like vomitting the Basilisk up.

Dear Hogwarts Community of Faculty, House Elves, and Students: