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Area Man Shields White Chocolate Mocha From Cruel World's Judging Eyes

EVANSTON, IL--Clutching the poor little cherub in his hands as he exited Starbucks, area man Matthew Chung shielded his venti white chocolate mocha with extra whipped cream from the harsh and malevolent glare of an unkind world.

Fulfilling Scriptures, Pumpkin Spice Latte Returns

THE FRAPTURE -- Signaling the End of Days and also the beginning of autumn, today the Pumpkin Spice Latte returned in fulfillment of the scriptures.

"Lo, kneel before your God," said the Pumpkin Spice Latte as it descended from the heavens and landed next to a strip mall Starbucks. Passersby were frozen in their tracks as they took in the awesome sight of the Latte.

Quentin Tarantino Writing Screenplay at Local Starbucks

Baristas Karen and Phil have confirmed reports of the eccentric screenwriter returning to the Starbucks near his home, laptop in hand, to write his newest screenplay.

Workers describe Tarantino’s work habits as “intermittent” and “kind of clingy, if that makes sense,” while noting that he sometimes angles his screen as to be visible to those sitting nearby. He is known to the staff for his daily orders of a venti black coffee, which sits untouched as he works and sips from a caramel macchiato he ordered at the Starbucks down the street.