SatireV

Breaking

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party

Let's Get This Party Popping

Popcorn
Hello there. You seem a little down. I know it can be disappointing when none of your friends show up to your birthday party. But never fear, buddy. It's not you. You see, the problem's that this party isn't popping enough. Chips, really? Your snack offerings leave a lot to be desired. 

I know just the thing you need, pal, the thing that will bring all of your friends to the party guaranteed. You need to get this party popping, and there is no better way to do so than Orville Redenbacher's Original Popcorn™. 

Mass Hall Freshmen Kept Up Until 4 am by Drew Faust's Rager

Drew Faust in front of Mass Hall

HARVARD YARD — This past Sunday, Massachusetts Hall residents were shocked to discover that the booming bass that had kept awake was in fact coming from the offices of Harvard’s President, Drew Gilpin Faust.

Interviewed on his way back from Lamont, one freshman spoke out.

“I thought that being in Mass Hall would suck because we wouldn’t be able to party with the president working right under us, but like… I had a pset to do," he said. "I didn’t ask for this.”  

Inside Satire V: Harvard’s Most Opulent “Club”

Caligula’s bacchanalian orgies. Hugh Hefner’s extravagant blowouts. Satire V’s “Glam Rock” kickback last Saturday (8pm to 10pm). Such parties are the stuff of legend. Passed down in scandalous whispers from generation to generation. And this reporter was lucky enough to score an invite.

Benedict XVI to Throw End of Papacy Rager

Following his resignation on February 28th, Pope Benedict the XVI will host a multi-million dollar function, to be known as “The Pope-a-palooza MMXIII,” in celebration of the completion of his pontificate. The event will feature solemn reflection, group prayer, and cake strippers.