CAMBRIDGE, MA – Just hours before the polls closed for the 2017 UC Presidential election, things took a supernatural turn when outsider candidates Conor Healy '19 and Parth Thakker '19 stood up simultaneously and, with booming voices that seemed to emanate from the heavens, commanded Harvard’s final clubs to “go forth, multiply, and replenish the campus.”

After a series of vicious rumors swept Harvard’s campus during the Fall 2017 shopping period, fourth classes have banded together to declare that they are not, in fact, “easy As.” GenEds of all distribution requirements have stated that they are fed up with the broad generalizations students make about them. In a written statement, the fourth classes said that they wish to increase awareness as to the harmfulness of the stigma.

Hello everyone in CB23,

Over the past few months I have begun to notice some troubling goings-on in this class. It appears that some of you took it upon yourselves to study for my course. Several of you came to my office hours before the final examination looking stressed. Even beleaguered. In light of these developments, let me remind those of you who may have forgotten: everyone gets an A in Hebrew Bible.