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I once lost my mom's keys in an Uber

What Your Uber Rating Says About You

It's no secret that your Uber rating can mean the difference between throwing up on yourself on the Quad Shuttle and throwing up on yourself in the back of a stranger's Toyota Corolla after a wild night at the Belltower. But what do these ratings really mean? The crack team of data journalists down at Satire V38 break it down for you:
 
5.0
Your mom set up an uber account in your name and used it once.
 
4.6