Following yesterday’s hearing about Planned Parenthood at the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform, many Republican members of Congress expressed uncertainty about the meaning of the word “mammogram,” which was used multiple times during the hearing.

“I’ve never heard that word before,” said Rep. Paul Gosar (R-AZ). “But everyone kept saying it over and over again. It was driving me crazy. Mammogram, mammogram, mammogram!”

In response to President Obama's veto of Congress' proposal for the Keystone XL Pipeline, Republican leadership announced plans thursday for the new "Keystone Light" Pipeline, which they referred to as a "leaner, more refreshing" alternative to the much-publicized transnational oil conduit.

"We need to recognize that the American oil industry has ever-changing tastes," Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) told reporters. "And this new bill gives our refineries more bang for their energy buck."

After a wild spring break, which included a cruise to the Dominican Republic, Haiti, and Cuba, the Republican Party has released a statement emphasizing that they “are not more racially diverse—just tan.”

“We all enjoyed a nice recess from Congress,” reads the statement released Thursday, “but someone forgot to pack the sunscreen, and we all experienced the unfortunate effects of a strong Caribbean sun.”