and entering

Secret Santa

Rules for Cthulhu's Secret Santa

Cthulhu wearing a small santa hat

Howdy there last minute shoppers! We’re so excited that you’ve accepted our invitation to take part in Cthulhu's annual fun and festive Secret Santa gift exchange! With only two shopping days left before Christmas, here’s a couple of reminders for those of you still looking for the perfect gift:

1. Do not attempt to find out the name of your Santa. The knowledge will destroy you.

2. Gifts should cost no more than the price of redemption of a tortured soul.

Area Mother Theresa Graciously Gifts Half-Eaten Bag of Pretzels to Secret Santa

PLEASANTVILLE, NY— Blatantly disregarding the recommended price range of $10 - $15, area Mother Theresa Jack Anderson graciously gifted his Secret Santa a half-eaten bag of Rold Gold® Original Tiny Pretzels, which he reportedly picked up at a CVS 10 minutes before the gift exchange, then ate on the way over.

One by one, gift exchange participants unwrapped their items to reveal heartwarming presents ranging from homemade snickerdoodles to custom pajama sets and Sims 4. But when it was Molly Smith's turn, everyone was blown away by Jack’s charitable giving. 

Eighth Annual NSA Secret Santa Ruined by NSA

[REDACTED], USA - In response to the premature end of an annual agency tradition started in 2008, Commander Ad. Michael Rogers confirmed today that the eighth NSA Secret Santa has once again been ruined by the NSA. 

United Nations Secret Santa Fails to Build International Friendship

New York City—In a year characterized by rising international tensions, a United Nations Secret Santa aimed at building international cooperation only exacerbated the rifts between various countries.