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Katie Lapp

Katie Lapp Trapped Under Pile of Strategizing Turkeys

CAMBRIDGE, MA – According to a recent email sent out to the students, faculty, and staff, Katie Lapp, Executive Vice President of Harvard University, is currently trapped under a pile of strategizing turkeys. 

Endorsement: Katie Lapp for Harvard University President

Currently, the Harvard Corporation is searching for a successor to President Drew G. Faust, who announced her plans to step down after the 2017-2018 academic year. The Satire V editorial board has unanimously voted to endorse Executive Vice President Katie Lapp—known for her management skills as well as getting trapped under various things—to succeed Faust as University President.

Who Said It: Katie Lapp or Fetty Wap?

1.     “You may drop off donations at some open house locations.” 

2.     “When I go to clubs I don’t have to wait outside.”  

3.     “When I go to final clubs I don’t have to wait outside.” 

4.     “Eustace! What is that strange contraption? It’s got the likeness of a horse carriage made of tin!”

5.     “Counting all this bread I don’t talk to feds”

6.     “Counting all this bread I don’t talk to HUDS workers”

7.     “I do this for my squad, I do this for my gang, it’s Zoovie from the trap and ain’t a damn thing change”

Executive Vice President Katie Lapp Trapped Under Leslie Kirwan's Bullshit

CAMBRIDGE, MA--According to a recent email sent out to Harvard's students, faculty, and staff, Katie Lapp, Executive Vice President of Harvard University, is currently trapped underneath the unbelievable bullshit of FAS Dean of Administration Leslie Kirwan.

 

Katie Lapp Trapped Under Pile of Ec1017 Bluebooks

CAMBRIDGE, MA – According to a recent email sent out to the students, faculty, and staff of Harvard University, Executive Vice President Katie Lapp is currently trapped under a pile of Ec1017 Bluebooks.

Katie Lapp Trapped Beneath Fallen Angels

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- According to a recent email sent out to the students, faculty, and staff, Katie Lapp, Executive Vice President of Harvard University, is currently trapped beneath the Fallen Angels after their annual concert last night in Sanders Theatre.

Katie Lapp Trapped in Pile of Memories

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- According to a recent email sent out to the students, faculty, and staff, Katie Lapp, Executive Vice President of Harvard University, is currently trapped underneath a pile of memories.

Katie Lapp Trapped in Carbonite

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- According to a recent email sent out to the students, faculty, and staff, Katie Lapp, Executive Vice President of Harvard University, is currently trapped in carbonite.

“Dear members of the Harvard community,” begins the email, which was sent over the campus-notify email list. “While monitoring the status of Cambridge City in the Boston System, I found myself enclosed in a carbon freezing chamber due to a sinister plot of my old nemesis, Darth Gilpin Faust.”

Katie Lapp Trapped in Endless Cycle of Leap Days

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- According to a recent email sent out to the students, faculty, and staff, Katie Lapp, Executive Vice President of Harvard University, is currently trapped in February 29.

Katie Lapp Trapped in New Harvard Square Public Restroom

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- According to a recent email sent out to the students, faculty, and staff, Katie Lapp, Executive Vice President of Harvard University, is currently trapped within the new public toilet in Harvard Square.

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