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6 Tips To Perfect The Zootycall

1. Turn your zoom breakout session into a zoom makeout session

Remember you can’t spell quarantine without U R A Q T

2. Love is in the share

Ask to screenshare and have tabs open to “am I too good at sex” or “how to be less understanding and emotionally intelligent.” Be sure to act embarrassed, but not surprised.

3. Claim “host” ownership, then remove the professor and all the other students except your crush and pretend like it's destiny

13 Surefire Ways to Re-Establish Yourself as Section Kid via Zoom

This pandemic sucks! Sure, a bunch of people are dying from a novel, highly infectious virus, but even worse: school’s been moved online! How are you supposed to assert your dominance over your peers during section now?! Not to fear –- simply follow these 13 Surefire Ways to Re-Establish Yourself as Section Kid via Zoom!

  1. Keep your video on, even though it's a 200 person lecture and everyone else's is off. Angle your camera strategically so that it shows off all your high school decathlon medals.

Where They Stand: COVID-19-era Grading

For the newest installment of Where They Stand, your trusted SatireV pollsters did a survey to see where key campus figures stand on how Harvard should change the grading policy in light of the COVID pandemic and students working from home. Scroll through to see the results.

Department heads

Economics DUS Jeffrey Miron: The faculty have decided that giving grades takes too much time out of their precious research calendar, so we’re suspending all grading requirements indefinitely.