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zoom

Zoom's 'End Meeting' Dialogue Box is a Microcosm of the Conflict between Federalism and State Autonomy

Sit Back and Listen To Me Chew Directly Into Your Ears, You Powerless Worm

Well, well, well. We meet again. It’s our usual place. Maybe, a Gened section? Or, a group project meeting? Really, anywhere over Zoom. Things are just getting started, and everyone looks happy and content. And then. I strike. 

Area Professor Addresses Elephant in the Zoom

Indeed, an elephant in the zoom

CAMBRIDGE, MA  — A Math 21 professor was finally forced to address the elephant in the Zoom last Thursday, when the initially adorable interruption almost cost a sophomore his life.

Pre-Orientation Programs Go Virtual, Rename to “Zip, Zap, Zop”

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- Following the trend of adding a “Z” to every activity transferred to Zoom, the DSO recently decided to pool their 3 traditional Pre-Orientation programs - FIP, FAP, and FOP - into a one-week virtual game of “Zip, Zap, Zop.”

The drama game is traditionally played in a circle where all participants clap and sequentially point and say "zip, zap, and zop." Adapted to the Pre-Orientation format, each participant will wear a sign indicating which group they belong to and point accordingly.

6 Tips To Perfect The Zootycall

1. Turn your zoom breakout session into a zoom makeout session

Remember you can’t spell quarantine without U R A Q T

2. Love is in the share

Ask to screenshare and have tabs open to “am I too good at sex” or “how to be less understanding and emotionally intelligent.” Be sure to act embarrassed, but not surprised.

3. Claim “host” ownership, then remove the professor and all the other students except your crush and pretend like it's destiny

13 Surefire Ways to Re-Establish Yourself as Section Kid via Zoom

This pandemic sucks! Sure, a bunch of people are dying from a novel, highly infectious virus, but even worse: school’s been moved online! How are you supposed to assert your dominance over your peers during section now?! Not to fear –- simply follow these 13 Surefire Ways to Re-Establish Yourself as Section Kid via Zoom!

  1. Keep your video on, even though it's a 200 person lecture and everyone else's is off. Angle your camera strategically so that it shows off all your high school decathlon medals.

Where They Stand: COVID-19-era Grading

For the newest installment of Where They Stand, your trusted SatireV pollsters did a survey to see where key campus figures stand on how Harvard should change the grading policy in light of the COVID pandemic and students working from home. Scroll through to see the results.

Department heads

Economics DUS Jeffrey Miron: The faculty have decided that giving grades takes too much time out of their precious research calendar, so we’re suspending all grading requirements indefinitely.