SatireV

Breaking

and entering

the environment

Environmentally Conscious Decision Not To Take Tray Backfires as Plate Actually Very Hot

CAMBRIDGE, MA- Inspired by her house's initiative to move dining hall trays to the back of the hall, Adams sophomore Martha Stahl decided not to take a tray this meal, thereby aligning herself with the best interests of the Earth. However, she quickly came to regret this decision, as the plate she proceeded to touch was really, really hot.
 

Basic White Kid Near Extinction After Destruction of Feeding Ground

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Conservationists from the National Wildlife Service have raised concerns that the Basic White Kid, a rare animal indigenous to the coasts of North America, may be on the verge of extinction following the discovery that it can no longer access one of its primary food sources.