It’s that time of year again, when all the elementary schools are filled with bake sales and the gym is taken over by democracy, and when good ol’ Hil reminds you all to fulfill your Constitutional duty. But a lot has changed since November of two years ago, so I’ve updated my jokes to tell you all: in only a Fortnite it’s time to Pokemon Go to the Polls!

Hillary Clinton, the failed Democratic contender for President of the United States in 2016, recently announced that she is penning a new book to be published by Simon & Schuster this fall. Tentatively titled Reflections on Change, the book will discuss Clinton’s path from ambitious Wellesley graduate to Secretary of State, the bruising 2016 election, and the quotes that continue to motivate her. Satire V has obtained this exclusive excerpt from her book below:

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CHAPPAQUA, NY- With the long arduous campaign behind her, former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton has decided to take a much needed vacation by immediately jumping back to work. “This campaign was so mentally exhausting, and now that it is over, I am going to take time to reflect, get out and see the world, take advantage of some much needed R&R and ‘me time,’” said Clinton, pausing for about 15 seconds. “…. Ok that was good. Back to work.”

JANUARY 15, 2015

Tech Support: To speak to a representative, please say, “representative.”

Hillary Clinton: Representative.

TS: This call may be monitored or recorded for quality assurance purposes.

HRC: Honey, all calls are monitored, but it ain’t for quality—

TS: Hi this is Meredith speaking. How may I help you today?

HRC: Oh hi there Meredith! I’m having a bit of a problem with my private server and I was wondering if you could help a sister out.

You are getting sleepy. Very sleepy. Focus on the spinning circle. Isn't it just lovely?

You are thinking of October 16, 2002. There might have been a vote to authorize military force in Iraq, but then again there might not have been. You can't seem to remember.

Remember, look at the circle. Good. That's good.

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- Walk around any college campus and Marxism’s popularity is immediately apparent. Depending on the climate, you’re likely to see Marx T-shirts or Marx sweaters or Marx hats or Marx scarves.

You’re less likely to encounter Mikhail Bakunin memorabilia. In a setting where students are meant to be agitating for a dictatorship of the proletariat, supporting the nineteenth-century Russian anarchist and factional leader of the International Workingmen’s Association just isn’t cool.

DENVER, CO — Mere weeks after a small bird alighted on Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders's lectern during a campaign speech in Oregon, nature visited the presidential race again. This time, a sizable vulture landed on the shoulder of front-runner Hillary Clinton in the middle of a fundraiser in Denver and deposited the lifeless carcass of a black rat at her feet. To the glee of a roaring crowd, Clinton graciously accepted the offering and consumed the rest of the carcass on stage.