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Deans' List

Spicy! Harvard has this semester's Deans' List early. Let's see which Deans have made the list it this time...


Dean of Freshman Thomas "Tommy Fresh" Dingman

Dean of Harvard College Rakesh Khurana

Dean Thomas

James Dean

Jimmy Dean Breakfast Sausage

Dwayne "The Dean" Johnson

HUDS Five Dean Chili

Dean Khurana: We Can't Do Better

In the face of criticism for what some students called insufficient communication in the wake of Friday’s emailed death threat, Dean of the College Rakesh Khurana said College administrators “can do better” to communicate with students and took full responsibility for their response to the threat at a press conference on Monday.

Khurana then stepped back from the podium, glanced at the assistant deans and University officers assembled behind him, nodded, and returned. 

“Actually, who am I kidding. We can’t do better. Sorry guys. There, I said it, there it is.”

Hammonds Confesses to Dogecoin Heist

Cambridge—In an announcement that surprised almost no one, Former Dean Evelynn Hammonds confessed to hijacking Harvard’s Odyssey Cluster supercomputer in order to mine the popular cryptocurrency Dogecoin. Hammonds’ confession, published Tuesday in the Crimson, appeared remorseful, with the former Dean expressing her regret for “shaming my fellow shibes” by misusing academic resources.

Spare Change Newspaper Vendor Named Dean of Pleasant E-mails

Cambridge, MA—“Young ladies, young men,” began the first message from the newly appointed Dean of Pleasant E-mails. Spare Change Newspaper vendor Gregory Daugherty—a longtime fixture of Harvard Square—was elected unanimously to be the inaugural holder of the position.  “Would you like to read the Dean’s weekly e-mail today?” the message continued, “Don’t be shy. Young man. Young lady.”

Dean Pfister the Old Man from "Home Alone"

After weeks of investigating, Satire V has discovered that Donald Pfister, interim dean of Harvard College and Cartoon Network voice actor, is actually that old neighbor from the classic 1990 Christmas film "Home Alone."