NEW HAMPSHIRE -- In a stunning turn of events at the New Hampshire Primary Debate, former Vice President Joe Biden delivered his best debate performance yet, running an effective but brutal smear campaign against presidential hopeful, former Vice President Joe Biden.

In a press conference on Tuesday, former Vice President Joe Biden took a staunch anti-war stance and promised to remove all troops from Vietnam within his first two years in office. “President Trump has been lying to us about this war for far too long, and frankly the American people are sick and tired of the violence they learn about day after day on their transistor radios and in moving pictures,” Biden said.  “It’s time we focus less on the Viet Cong and more on the important issues, like fighting climate change and preserving Obamacare.”

WASHINGTON, D.C.- Following the conclusion of his announcement not to run for President in 2016, Vice President Joe Biden left the White House Rose Garden, entered an unmarked car, and silently drove away to an undisclosed location. From there, he walked seven blocks, stopped, looked both ways to make sure no one was following him, and turned into a dimly lit parking garage. At the end of a bleak row of empty parking spots stood a shadowy figure waiting for Biden’s arrival.

“Is it done?” asked the mysterious person.

WASHINGTON, D.C. ­– Unable to suppress her excitement, a giddy Secretary Hillary Clinton sat before the Select Committee on Benghazi Thursday to give a testimony once again on the September 11, 2012 attacks, a day after Vice President Joe Biden announced that he would not seek the 2016 Democratic nomination for President. On Thursday morning, Clinton was dropped off at the site of the hearing by a party bus rented just the night before.