1. Center field

CAMBRIDGE, MA - On Thursday, Harvard College awarded 67 students the prestigious Hoopes Prize. The following are some of the award-winning theses from the 2016-2017 school year:

Yer A Wizard, Harry: A Sociolinguistic Analyses of Hagrid's Speech Patterns in the Harry Potter Series

Hodor: Hodor Hodor, Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor

[Snappy Title]: Evidence from [Large Dataset Name] 

The Dichotomy of Problematic Normativity and Postmodern Rhetoric: A Comparative Repositioning of Academic Buzzwords

CAMBRIDGE, MA - With the deadline for Senior Theses drawing near, students across campus are scrambling to submit their tomes of wisdom in time. However, a thesis isn't complete without an appropriately engaging title to separate the culmination of your attempt at academia from the multitudes. Satire V has curated our favorite titles from this year's collection:

I'm Not Sayin' She's a Gold Digger: Economics and Gender in 1850s California

Snowed In: the Psychosocial Impact of Dandruff 

Blue Moon: Understanding Werewolf Emotions

With Senate Republicans refusing to vote on any potential nominee for the Supreme Court, many have speculated as to who Republicans hope to nominate in the event that they win the coming presidential election this November. To that effect, Satire V presents the conclusive list of potential Republican nominees:

1. The ghost of Antonin Scalia.

2. The ghost of Ronald Reagan.

3. Casper, the friendly ghost.

4. The ghost of Adam Smith's Invisible Hand of the free market.