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Facebook Check-Ins Induce Stroke-Like Symptoms In Morton County Sheriff's Department

Mandan, ND -- After eager activists flooded Facebook with check-ins to the Standing Rock Indian Reservation on Monday, the Morton County Sheriff’s Department suffered intense bouts of dizziness and confusion, sources say.

“As I scrolled through my Facebook feed, I just couldn't comprehend how many people were checking into this place. I'm talking like thousands here. Even just thinking about it now is making my mouth foam up again,” said the Morton County Sheriff, Kyle Kirchmeier, facing the complete opposite direction to reporters.

Area Student's Support For Strike Evaporates After Being Woken Up By Picket

CAMBRIDGE, MA - With the historic Harvard University Dining Services strike underway, many students have been eagerly declaring their support for the workers who have staffed campus dining halls continuously for decades. Among these supporters was Garrett West '19, who has been advocating his support for the strike since a notice was posted on his door in early September. However, West reports his backing for the walkout evaporated this morning, after he was rudely awoken by a march through campus at 6 AM


Modern-Day Cesar Chavez Takes to Streets to Protest Different Pasta in Soup

CAMBRIDGE, MA--In a move that has reaffirmed many observers' faith in the youth of America, Noah Layne '18 of Quincy House has heroically mobilized hundreds of his fellow undergraduates in a direct action to protest Harvard University Dining Services' recurring use of tortellini in its Tomato Basil Ravioli soup, a glorious crusade for justice that many have compared to farm workers' quests for normal working hours and a living wage.

American Sign Language Supporters Demand to be Heard

Under an upcoming Undergraduate Council referendum, the Harvard student body will be voting whether to support the reintroduction of American Sign Language (ASL) courses that may be taken for credit. Advocate groups claim they are finally raising their fingers, and know that they will be seen by the student body.