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Dean Khurana

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By Master Rakesh Bumble, Beadle of Harvard College
 

State Communism is Antithetical to the Collectivist Vision

By Dean Rakesh Khurana
 
In a recent Crimson op-ed, I was likened to the Premier of the communist Soviet Union. Such an accusation cannot stand, and I wholeheartedly condemn this comparison. That is because the author fails to realize state communism is antithetical to the collectivist vision. Only anarchy can truly return economic and political power to the working class.
 

Have you Losers Considered Having Friends?

Hi guys, Dean Khurana here. Look, we can all agree that Final Clubs are bad. Just one of the worst things about Harvard.

Here Bygynneth the Book of the Tales of Dean Khurana

Khaucer
Whan that Khurana, with his shoures soote
The droghte of studente lyfe hath perced to the roote
And bathed every undertgradt in swich licour,
Of which vertu engendred is the flour;
Whan Khurana eek with his sweete breeth
Inspired hath in every holt and heeth
The tendre croppes, and the yonge sonne
Hath in the Yarde his halfe cours yronne,
And finale clubbe maken melodye,
That slepen al the nyght with open eye-
(So priketh hem Nature in hir corages);

Dean Khurana Responds to White Nationalists' Threats

Dear White Nationalists,
 
I hope all of you have had a restorative holiday season, full of family, friends, and plenty of good books! I spent much of the break reading, myself.
 
Having said that, I cannot keep up this nice façade for long; no more mister nice dean! You are a bunch of downright mean people.
 

Groundbreaking: Khurana Recommends Establishment of Committee to Advise Committee in Charge of Creating Committee to Revise Single Gender Social Organization Policy

CAMBRIDGE, MA—On January 25th Dean Rakesh Khurana reaffirmed his unwavering commitment to social progress by announcing his intention to create a committee to help advise the committee that is in charge of creating the committee that will tackle the problem of single gender social organizations (SGSOs) at Harvard. 

Harvard Appoints New "Dean of Deans" to Clarify Role of Deans on Campus

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- Harvard has announced sweeping changes to the structure of the dean system, including the creation of a new position, “Dean of Deans,” whose job is to provide better oversight and clarity about the role of deans. The responsibility of the new Dean of Deans will entail overseeing the deaning process, managing fundraising, and unilaterally appointing new deans weekly to the Board of Deans.

Thanks and gratitude

Dear Harvard College Students,

While this year’s Harvard-Yale Game, presidential election, World Series (Go Tribe!), and countless other things of varying levels of importance didn’t go our way, I hope that each of you enjoyed the festivities and camaraderie of last weekend as much as I did. And let me tell you, Tommy D isn’t the only dean who knows how to party. Cabot tailgate was pretty fucking lit.

Welcome back!

Dear Harvard College Students,
 
In the days before you return to campus to begin another academic year, I was going to write to share some thoughts with you about the coming year and to ask for your help in warmly welcoming the Class of 2020 to our beloved community.
 
But all of that can wait. First, I really need all of you to help me find the remote control for the TV in my living room. 
 

You Know What, I Worked Hard On This

Listen up assholes, and listen good. Over the past year we have heard your complaints about final clubs, social spaces, and exclusivity on campus. Yesterday we finally took action and decided to sanction members of single-gender organizations like private final clubs, fraternities, and sororities. Yet many of you insist that we have overstepped our bounds by violating the freedom of association and unfairly punishing all-female organizations. Oh, so now you like exclusivity? What, Harvard isn't exclusive enough for you shits? I worked hard on this, and I deserve some appreciation.

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