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Dean Khurana

Announcing the Unyielding Consolidation of Power

Khurana
Dear Harvard College Students,
 
Today I am writing to announce that we will be integrating the functions of the Freshman Dean's Office, the Office of Student Life, the Office of the Registrar, the Office of the Dean of Harvard College, and various other offices into one larger, and much more powerful, Office of Harvard College. And all of you will tremble at the might of this office.
 

Khurana Shakes Up Single Blender Social Organizations

CAMBRIDGE, MA — In an announcement on Wednesday, Dean of Harvard College Rakesh Khurana unveiled new plans to target Unrecognized Single-Blender Social Organizations by proposing a policy which would propel members of such organizations toward the risk of expulsion.
 

Report: Dean Khurana Fails Turing Test

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Adding to students' concerns about the humanity of College administrators, a survey conducted by The Harvard Independent has shown that Rakesh Khurana, Dean of Harvard College, was unable to pass the Turing test. 

You Want MORE Resources For First-Gen Students?

By Master Rakesh Bumble, Beadle of Harvard College
 

State Communism is Antithetical to the Collectivist Vision

By Dean Rakesh Khurana
 
In a recent Crimson op-ed, I was likened to the Premier of the communist Soviet Union. Such an accusation cannot stand, and I wholeheartedly condemn this comparison. That is because the author fails to realize state communism is antithetical to the collectivist vision. Only anarchy can truly return economic and political power to the working class.
 

Have you Losers Considered Having Friends?

Hi guys, Dean Khurana here. Look, we can all agree that Final Clubs are bad. Just one of the worst things about Harvard.

Here Bygynneth the Book of the Tales of Dean Khurana

Khaucer
Whan that Khurana, with his shoures soote
The droghte of studente lyfe hath perced to the roote
And bathed every undertgradt in swich licour,
Of which vertu engendred is the flour;
Whan Khurana eek with his sweete breeth
Inspired hath in every holt and heeth
The tendre croppes, and the yonge sonne
Hath in the Yarde his halfe cours yronne,
And finale clubbe maken melodye,
That slepen al the nyght with open eye-
(So priketh hem Nature in hir corages);

Dean Khurana Responds to White Nationalists' Threats

Dear White Nationalists,
 
I hope all of you have had a restorative holiday season, full of family, friends, and plenty of good books! I spent much of the break reading, myself.
 
Having said that, I cannot keep up this nice façade for long; no more mister nice dean! You are a bunch of downright mean people.
 

Groundbreaking: Khurana Recommends Establishment of Committee to Advise Committee in Charge of Creating Committee to Revise Single Gender Social Organization Policy

CAMBRIDGE, MA—On January 25th Dean Rakesh Khurana reaffirmed his unwavering commitment to social progress by announcing his intention to create a committee to help advise the committee that is in charge of creating the committee that will tackle the problem of single gender social organizations (SGSOs) at Harvard. 

Harvard Appoints New Dean of Deans to Clarify Role of Deans on Campus

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- Harvard has announced sweeping changes to the structure of the dean system, including the creation of a new position, “Dean of Deans,” whose job is to provide better oversight and clarity about the role of deans. The responsibility of the new Dean of Deans will entail overseeing the deaning process, managing fundraising, and unilaterally appointing new deans weekly to the Board of Deans.

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