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By Master Rakesh Bumble, Beadle of Harvard College
 

Dean Khurana Fractures Foot after Walking Too Many Miles in Another’s Shoes

CAMBRIDGE, MA – Earlier today, Dean of Harvard College Rakesh Khurana was rushed to University Health Services and diagnosed with a stress fracture following a 40 mile walk in another’s shoes.

State Communism is Antithetical to the Collectivist Vision

By Dean Rakesh Khurana
 
In a recent Crimson op-ed, I was likened to the Premier of the communist Soviet Union. Such an accusation cannot stand, and I wholeheartedly condemn this comparison. That is because the author fails to realize state communism is antithetical to the collectivist vision. Only anarchy can truly return economic and political power to the working class.
 

Groundbreaking: Khurana Recommends Establishment of Committee to Advise Committee in Charge of Creating Committee to Revise Single Gender Social Organization Policy

CAMBRIDGE, MA—On January 25th Dean Rakesh Khurana reaffirmed his unwavering commitment to social progress by announcing his intention to create a committee to help advise the committee that is in charge of creating the committee that will tackle the problem of single gender social organizations (SGSOs) at Harvard. 

Thanks and gratitude

Dear Harvard College Students,

While this year’s Harvard-Yale Game, presidential election, World Series (Go Tribe!), and countless other things of varying levels of importance didn’t go our way, I hope that each of you enjoyed the festivities and camaraderie of last weekend as much as I did. And let me tell you, Tommy D isn’t the only dean who knows how to party. Cabot tailgate was pretty fucking lit.

Final Clubs Sanctions Eliminate Sexual Assault, All Other Campus Woes

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- Sexual assault, every form of race-, class-, and gender-based discrimination, and all other campus woes were completely canceled this Friday morning as Dean of Harvard College Rakesh Khurana issued sanctions against single-sex organizations with the support of President Drew Faust.

Dean Khurana Urges Wife to Consider Meal Holistically

CAMBRIDGE, MA-- After spending hours preparing dinner this evening, Dean of Harvard College Rakesh Khurana reportedly urged his wife Stephanie to evaluate the meal on a holistic basis.

As the Faculty Deans of Cabot House sat down for dinner, Dean Khurana, who is also the Marvin Bower Professor of Leadership Development at Harvard Business School, stressed the importance of judging what he cooked on different dimensions. "Perhaps what it lacks in flavor, it makes up for in nutritious value," suggested Dean Khurana. "Not every meal can be flavorful, you know."

Sugar, Spice, Everything Nice: These Are Ingredients for Rakesh Khurana

THE CITY OF TOWNSVILLE-- In an attempt to create the "perfect little girls," local mad scientist Professor Utonium mixed sugar, spice, and everything nice. But after omitting the mysterious "Chemical X," Utonium discovered that he had instead created Dean of Harvard College and Marvin Bower Professor of Leadership Development, Rakesh Khurana.
 
"I was always wondering what would happen if I left out 'Chemical X,'" said Utonium. "Who knew that I had in my hands the key ingredients for one of the world's leading scholars of organizational and leadership theory."