CHICAGO, IL – Not to be outdone by his more famous counterpart Chance, Community Chest the Rapper found a million-dollar bank error in favor of public schools last Thursday.

1.     “You may drop off donations at some open house locations.” 

2.     “When I go to clubs I don’t have to wait outside.”  

3.     “When I go to final clubs I don’t have to wait outside.” 

4.     “Eustace! What is that strange contraption? It’s got the likeness of a horse carriage made of tin!”

5.     “Counting all this bread I don’t talk to feds”

6.     “Counting all this bread I don’t talk to HUDS workers”

7.     “I do this for my squad, I do this for my gang, it’s Zoovie from the trap and ain’t a damn thing change”

Memes,

Here’s one of them now: a meme.

And another meme…here? No? Where would your preferred meme spot be, then?

Oh oh oh, hOO MAN! That’s a meme right there! There it is! 

mEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEme

MEME

MEME

MEME

meme

Même?

No, mEme.

Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson is an accomplished actor, producer, and wrestler. But did you know he's also a chef?

See if you can smell what the Rock is cooking!

1.

WASHINGTON – Barron Trump, the youngest son of President Donald Trump, and White House butler Reginald Yarmouth teamed up yesterday to thwart a would-be portrait thief.

According to a source familiar with the event, the pair was ambling around the East Wing when they spotted a suspicious character.

“Hey Reginald, does anything about that man over there seem strange to you?” asked the young Trump.

BOSTON, MA—Citing his voluminous expertise, local murderer Ted Wilson, 31, substantiated a report by the Bureau of Murder Statistics that only 3% of murderers call murdering ‘foul play.' "All the time in the newspaper I read the phrase 'police suspect the death was the result of foul play,'" Wilson told reporters on Friday, "but real murderers never call it that." 

SAN DIEGO – After fourteen years of rearing their trainers in captivity, SeaWorld announced that they will no longer facilitate the spawning of any humans for their amusement parks. This decision has been long awaited by many human rights activists, who have criticized SeaWorld for their unethical treatment of human trainers.

STOCKHOLM — After months of research and development, engineers at Spotify have finished a groundbreaking playback algorithm that shows Sara a live feed of the music you are definitely listening to right now. Spotify’s thorough analysis of the beloved iPod Classic you told her must have fallen out of her backpack has mathematically confirmed that convincing Sara you actually like Animal Collective is the key to her bespectacled heart.