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Harvard

Harvard Girls Enjoy Dating Comp

 Senior Jessica Morrissey of Kirkland House has many shining extracurriculars on her resume. She’s an editor of the Crimson and volunteers every weekend in Boston public schools. Still though, she says this year she plans to extend her activities into a new dimension--dating life.

“I think employers really want to see that you’re well rounded. That’s the real reason I’m planning to join a relationship this year. They want to know if you can show affection and possibly sexual desire for another human,” said Morrissey.

Harvard Basketball “Totally Fucked,” Says Coach

CAMBRIDGE, MA - The recent withdrawal of basketball co-captain and last season’s lead scorer Kyle Casey and the expected departure of co-captain Brandyn Curry have left many wondering about the future of the Harvard men’s basketball team. 

“Yeah, we’re totally fucked,” said coach Tommy Amaker. “I’m basically starting a bunch of gawky nerds and hoping for the best.”

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