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HUDS

Local 26 Possible Strike and Impact on College Dining

Dear Harvard College Students,

I write to you this afternoon with an update about dining on campus in the event that Harvard University Dining Service (HUDS) workers go on strike tomorrow. I know that many of you have mid-term exams in addition to other commitments and are concerned about the impact of a possible strike on your schedules and dining options. We validate and apologize for your struggles, which are definitely comparable to those of the workers striking, who merely face increased costs of living and healthcare in the context of a tumultuous global economy.

Harvard Posts Craigslist Ad for Scab Workers

CAMBRIDGE, MA — A Craigslist ad posted late Thursday night suggests that Harvard is preparing for a strike by Harvard University Dining Services workers. The posting calls for “600 employees with experience in dining service” who “totally won’t just be strikebreakers.”

The current contract between the university and HUDS workers will expire on September 17, and 600 workers are prepared to strike unless the university meets their demands for higher pay and more affordable healthcare.

Modern Day Workers' Rights Hero Makes Small Talk with HUDS Worker

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- William J. Legrange '18, a self-proclaimed hero of the people, demonstrated his devotion to the cause of workers' rights earlier today when he took time out of his busy schedule of two classes to engage in polite conservation with the "HUDS swipe lady."  The swipe lady in question, Mary Hernandez, has seen Legrange almost every day in Kirkland for the past two years, sometimes twice a day.
 

Harvard Endowment Bellows Disapproval as Faust Begs for HUDS Workers’ Rights

CAMBRIDGE, MA

*The following is a transcript of secret surveillance footage gathered from the deep underground chamber below Mass Hall.

“UNACCEPTABLE,” roars the Harvard Endowment, globs of crude oil spurting from the corners of its enormous, mangled frown.

A trembling and prostrate Drew Faust shudders at the horrifying sound. She lifts her head up from the cold stone floor, just enough to gaze upon the monstrosity created by the folly of her and generations of predecessors.

Dean Khurana Urges Wife to Consider Meal Holistically

CAMBRIDGE, MA-- After spending hours preparing dinner this evening, Dean of Harvard College Rakesh Khurana reportedly urged his wife Stephanie to evaluate the meal on a holistic basis.

As the Faculty Deans of Cabot House sat down for dinner, Dean Khurana, who is also the Marvin Bower Professor of Leadership Development at Harvard Business School, stressed the importance of judging what he cooked on different dimensions. "Perhaps what it lacks in flavor, it makes up for in nutritious value," suggested Dean Khurana. "Not every meal can be flavorful, you know."

Environmentally Conscious Decision Not To Take Tray Backfires as Plate Actually Very Hot

CAMBRIDGE, MA- Inspired by her house's initiative to move dining hall trays to the back of the hall, Adams sophomore Martha Stahl decided not to take a tray this meal, thereby aligning herself with the best interests of the Earth. However, she quickly came to regret this decision, as the plate she proceeded to touch was really, really hot.
 

Marshmallow Mateys Are Fucking Amazing

Dear Members of the Harvard Community:

Modern-Day Cesar Chavez Takes to Streets to Protest Different Pasta in Soup

CAMBRIDGE, MA--In a move that has reaffirmed many observers' faith in the youth of America, Noah Layne '18 of Quincy House has heroically mobilized hundreds of his fellow undergraduates in a direct action to protest Harvard University Dining Services' recurring use of tortellini in its Tomato Basil Ravioli soup, a glorious crusade for justice that many have compared to farm workers' quests for normal working hours and a living wage.
 

HUDS Cranberry Walnut Muffin “Will Solve This Homeless Man’s Problems”

“There you go,” said Wendell Pritchard '16, gently placing a single room-temperature Harvard University Dining Services muffin next to the motionless bundle of blankets huddled inside a doorway on the stretch of Plympton Street between Bow and Mt. Auburn. “That’ll make it all better.”

Pritchard allegedly grabbed the muffin on his way out of Quincy dining hall this morning “just kind of without thinking,” only to later realize that he was too full of bacon “to even consider taking a bite.”

HUDS Inaugural Sex Week Workshop A Hit

This past week, Harvard University Dining Services’ (HUDS) first ever Sex Week workshop was met with a wave of gratitude from students and professors alike. The workshop, fittingly titled “Ladies, Mind Your Melons; Boys, Preserve Your Plantains”, employed foods commonly found in Harvard dining halls to educate individuals about their sexual health.

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