and entering


Area TF Asks What Kind of Platitudes Work Best for Student with Covid

Screenshot of a slack dm reading "and that's why I just thought it would be really important ti let you know before I told anyone else and I just want to thank you in advance and also just for an amazing semester so far!" that has been germ emoji reacted. the response reads "That sucks :("

CAMBRIDGE, MA– After Richard Wozniak ’24 tested positive for Covid-19, he rushed to email the only person who could make him feel better: his CS50 Teaching Fellow, Jenna Matthews ‘22. “I was so worried, with having a potentially deadly disease, that I would be unable to handle all of my regular academic course load, whilst trying to recover,” Wozniak explained, not ready for the absolutely amazing response to follow:

I Asked My Genie to Be Famous, and He Made Me Head of CS50

Dear Harvard,

Look, I always thought being famous was gonna be just like the movies. You know, the cameras, the ladies, the V.I.P clubs, the unlimited La Croix in my town car with tinted windows. That was the lifestyle I’ve dreamt of ever since I was a kid. But I should have known there was gonna be a catch when I rubbed that old, dusty ass teapot at my neighbor’s garage sale and a Genie with a snaggletooth gave me for a wish. 

Not to Accuse You of Anything, But Are You Cheating on Me?

Fickle Hand of Fate David Malan Giveth Stress Balls, Taketh Away Free Time

Cambridge, MA—Aching with the power bestowed upon him by divine right, CS50 professor David Malan, 37, announced on Friday that his capricious will knows no master.  

“You see this mug?” Malan asked, brandishing the CS50 branded container before the mewling crowd in Sanders Theater. "This means nothing to me,” he added, before smashing the mug into the floor. “You there, in the front” Malan said, addressing a member of the audience. "You no longer have to go to section, but you’re now taking this class for a letter grade.”

“It was a mistake. I was drunk, and I still love you,” Says Freshman Caught Cheating on CS50

CAMBRIDGE, MA – In a leaked email sent to CS50 after he was called to the Honor Council, Kevin J. Benson ‘20, who cheated on problem sets in the course, wrote: “[Cheating] was a mistake, I was drunk, and I still love you.”

The Crimson Arts Reviews Harvard Courses

Stat 110

At its pinnacle, art deconstructs the fluid fabric of time, elevating experience into a zenith of inescapable infinitude, elucidating the contours of inexpressible minds and wafting a billowing fog of crystallized tears towards the ineffable laughter of a soul slipping into the abyss beneath the dawn. This class is not art.


SLS 20

Faculty Yankee Swap Ends in Fighting, Tears

CAMBRIDGE, MA – Today the faculty of Harvard College came together to celebrate a non-denominational “Winter Celebration,” which featured a Yankee swap that ended in quarrels and eggnog-fueled sobbing.

After Hazing Policy, CS50 To Immediately Drop PSet 4

CAMBRIDGE, MA-- Last Friday evening, all CS50 students received an email reminding them that CS50 does not haze. The email, required by both Massachusetts state law and the OSL, must be sent out by every organization to remind their members that hazing is not permitted.

CS50 Experiencing "Record Highs"

Sources in the Harvard administration claim that Computer Science 50 has recently become the "highest class at Harvard" after consuming narcotic substances with an alarming frequency. 

Obama Starting to Regret Missing CS50 Office Hours

Washington, DC—A visibly frustrated Barack Obama stared at the lines of code on his computer screen.

“David went over this in lecture,” Obama sighed, referring to the live stream he participated in as a student in CS50’s edX course, “it made sense at the time, but now I’m doing it for real and there are errors all over the place.”