and entering


Breaking Study Shows Flag Above John Harvard Confirmed “Proportional”

- Cambridge, MA


For weeks now, handfuls of students have wondered: Why is the flag above the John Harvard  public urinal so big? Well, a new study has revealed that our alma mater’s father may have been “well endowed” in more ways than one.

Why I’m Comping SatireV


There are so many whispers swirling around and all of this secrecy has been too much for me, I think it’s time to finally come clean. The rumors are true: I have re-enrolled as an undergraduate because SatireV is doing a completion-based comp this semester.

QUIZ: Which Testing Cadence Are You?

I’m an academic junior, a social senior, but most importantly, better than you.

Academic Junior Social Senior Being Better Than You

What’s that??? What year am I?  Oh you asked your friend if they were near? Well, you already got me started so...




About Last Night...

Harvard President Lawrence Bacow


Dear Members of the Harvard Community,

It’s an age-old story: University President gets invited to an Earth and Planetary Sciences brunch to discuss sustainability research. He goes so he can tweet about it and hopefully get those Divest kids off his lawn. It’ll be over by noon, and then he can go back to burping cows with the Harvard Management Company. But all of us with an email account know that’s not how yesterday went. 

Five Questions to Ask that Aren’t “What Are You Doing This Summer”

Friends Talking
  1. How much/little money will you be earning this summer?
  2. How many internships did you get rejected from?

Harvard to Replace Spring Break with 7200 Intermittent “Wellness Minutes”

Hiker traveling along mountain trail

CAMBRIDGE, MA—After realizing that any sizable chunk of time resembling a spring break might offer too significant a relief from an online semester amidst a global pandemic, Harvard has announced that it will be reallocating the week as 7200 “wellness minutes” throughout the spring semester.

Area Email List Member Shocked to Discover Action Not Actually Required

action required

Area email list member Peter Anderson was astonished upon learning that action is not actually required on the thirteenth Google Form he was sent through the student organization email list he joined accidentally as a first-year.

Upon receiving an email asking for his RSVP to the student organization’s next social, Anderson reportedly continued to put off the responsibility until it was too late – the deadline had passed before he could respond with a ‘No’.

The Vaccine For My Quarantine Blues is Preemptively Bagging Your Laundry


By a Former High School Valedictorian, Varsity Athlete, Number One Hottie, and Grill Order Bandit 

SHOCKING: Event that Would Not Have Been Well Attended in Person Also Not Well Attended on Zoom

ZOOM— This past week, Mather House hosted a public service career panel with its alumni and HoCo moderating the panel. Though in the past this event has drawn no more than 10 people at a time, the house was “optimistic” for a strong showing this year.