by the Editors of the Harvard Gazette

The humble T-shirt: some might consider it a purely utilitarian piece of garb, but this young visionary used a simple Gildan garment to make a bold humanitarian statement. That’s why The Gazette is recognizing First-year student Calvin Kaminski, who wore his “Harvard Day of Service 2023” T-Shirt this Monday in a stunning show of support of Harvard University’s dedication to improving their public image.  

CAMBRIDGE, MA—This Saturday marked the first annual meeting of the long-anticipated President-Student Open Dialogue session, meant for students to bring up any issues regarding the Harvard administration. President Lawrence Bacow made it clear that all questions were on the table in this Q&A event, especially noting his openness about his apparent resemblance to actor and comedian Adam Sandler. 

LEVERETT HOUSE - With mostly uncontroversial new late night restrictions put in place for the Leverett Dining Hall, intending to allow dining hall staff time to keep the space clean against the heavy frequency of office hours and study groups, not all members of the community are happy about the restriction. We put our ears to the ground for a "pulse" from a longtime resident: 

December 14, 1980 

I am writing to inform you that I am interested in donating some money in order to expand the Fogg and create a new home for the Asian and Ancient collections. I, Arthur Sackler, consider myself a patron of the arts and know a lot about artwork. Let me tell you some things about my personal collection, my aesthetic preferences, and how much I love art. 

CAMBRIDGE, MA— This Thursday, the Crimson received reports that Harvard sophomore Henry Williamson ’22 is convinced that carnitas is a special Harvard version of meat.

According to onlookers, Williamson offered repeated guesses as to what exactly made the ‘carnitas’ Harvard-themed. “He first asked me if it was crimson colored. When I didn’t respond, he asked if it was ‘the meat of three lies’. I tried to go hide behind the grill but when he saw my hat poking out he screamed asking if the meat wasn’t actually found in 1636” said El Jefe’s owner John Schall.

BOSTON, MA—Throughout the first few weeks of class, a History professor who chose to remain unnamed has been reported to make comments, “that are just a little bit off,” in the words of one mildly concerned student. 

CAMBRIDGE, MA –- Last week, in a new initiative to combat climate change, health-food magnate and Clover CEO Jeff Henderson substituted the company’s entire supply of single-use napkins with one handkerchief. “Do you know the number of trees we’re saving?” Henderson poses. “Seriously, how many? I haven’t done the math yet – but I’m sure it’s a lot.” Clover’s “science guy” assured us that it is indeed a lot.

By a Former High School Valedictorian, Varsity Athlete, and Number One Hottie

Until about a month ago, Harvard felt like such a hellhole. In high school, I was the undisputed alpha. The top dog. The head honcho. So when I came to Harvard, I was flabbergasted when people somehow started beating me in things and – dare I say it – I became insecure about my sweet, well-manicured abilities. That is, until I discovered a new extracurricular that could serve as my path to redemption.