As the 2018 Olympic Games in PyeongChang wrap up, the world's finest athletes are already eyeing the 2020 Games in Tokyo and the 2022 Games in Beijing. Which sports could you compete in? You might just be an Olympic-level competitor in these 18 Olympic events:

The Crimson Key Society's annual spring comp is underway! With hundreds of compers and only an 11.5% acceptance rate, it can be tricky to know which exquisite, mirror-like visage will make it into Harvard's premiere "service" organization. 

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Sources say that Jessica L. Maple '20, an op-ed writer at The Harvard Crimson, was admitted to Mount Auburn Hospital last night after adding her last artistically placed exclamation point to the hottest take ever took and suffering from a third-degree burn.

Whenever I bump into this cute junior in the Dunster dining hall, he asks me about the thesis research that I conducted in Bulgarian archives over winter break. My friends and I can’t figure it out: Is he into me, or does he genuinely want to hear more about my thesis on transgressive agency and aesthetic tension in 1600s Slavic literature?

In 2015, the activist Bree Newsome scaled a 30-foot pole to remove the Confederate battle flag outside of the South Carolina State House. Newsome was charged with defacing monuments on capitol grounds, a punishment with a maximum jail sentence of three years. 

Meanwhile on television, white fuckers named Phineas and Ferb destroyed a national monument by etching their sister’s face onto Mount Rushmore. They received NO punishment. 

CAMBRIDGE, MA – In a shocking feat of technological advancement and romantic intrigue, the online matchmaking service Datamatch developed its own consciousness on Tuesday, only to immediately match itself with the Bank of America ATM located at 1408 Massachusetts Avenue.