by Bob Saget

I don’t know about you, but there is objectively no greater pleasure in life than seeing a mediocrely taped home video of a teenage boy wiping out on his four-wheeler while his entire family idly watches. A baby goat continually head butting himself in the mirror?  Forget about it.  A cat drinking from a water glass? Better than sex.

One may wonder what makes me, Bob Saget, qualified to deem something better than sex.  But let me tell you — it’s because I’ve had a lot of it. Like a lot.  

It is I, your immortal and unendingly beneficent heavenly father come to thy stoop to bid thee heed a message of warning. The eve before last, I descended upon this minute sphere of thine to fulfill a godly fantasy of mine: to dine in an establishment renowned through the firmament for perfecting the mortal ambrosia. I speak, plainly, of Taco Bell. 

by Someone Who Gets It

It’s October, and that means more than just pumpkin-spice lattes and slutty Halloween costumes. It’s National Hispanic Heritage Month, Indigenous People’s Day, and National Coming Out Day. And unlike all of you, I actually care about these social issues. That’s why I will be watching Netflix’s “Tall Girl” every day this month.

by A Radical Feminist

In today’s world, feminism has many manifestations. Some ladies vie for the same positions as men and eventually become their bosses. Some grow out their armpit hair for winter warmth. Some go inside a Bass Pro Shop. But one inequality still looms large, barring us from earning the same standing as our fathers and brothers: peequality.

Lately there’s been a lot of buzz about Swedish teenager Greta Thunberg, whose bold activism has pushed the world to take action on climate change. Thousands have listened to her powerful speech from the UN summit last Monday, and even more were touched by her decision to sail across the Atlantic to reduce carbon emissions.

Dear Photographer,

You’re probably feeling quite smug right now, having duped nearly all the attendees of my second-cousin’s wedding into making utter fools of themselves. Aunt Lisa, Grandpa Hank, and even Brenda from College fell prey to your cunning trap.

None of them even saw it coming, the poor dolts. The setup was innocent enough: “Say Cheese” you said to placate them. “One more!” you shouted, luring them to the slaughter like so many unsuspecting ewes. Then, when they least expected it, the trap was sprung with four simple words:

by Tanya

by the Worst Person You’ve Ever Met

By A Plain Girl 

I, Plain Girl™, have entered into a relationship with the new love of my life and senior problem drinker, Doyle Flannigan. I think what attracted him to me was the fact that I'm not plastic and have a pulse, though I don’t mean to be presumptuous.