TAMPA, FL--At the Republican Convenction earlier this month, Anne Romney asserted that her husband, presidential candidate Mitt Romney, was actually “a real boy”. 

WASHINGTON, DC -- It started innocently enough, when Department of Veterans Affairs intern and Pforzheimer alumna Martha Phillipe ’10 suggested a department-wide game of “Assassins” to liven up the office’s dull social scene. VA bureaucrats seemed to enjoy the game immensely. Secretary Eric Shinseki took notice when a backlog of pension forms developed, but, rather than stop the game, the retired Four-Star General brought the idea of an Executive Branch-wide “Assassins” match to the next Cabinet meeting. Approved by a vote of 21-2, Vice President Joe Biden was appointed judge.

DES MOINES, IA - The field of Republican hopefuls has changed again.

First Mitt Romney had won Iowa. Then Rick Santorum pulled ahead in a recount. But now a second recount has determined that William F. Cobb, an ear of corn, is the official winner of the state. The home-grown candidate has been the leader of a grassroots movement starchly opposed to the production of alternative fuels, particularly ethanol.

After Mitt Romney's slight resurgence in the polls last weekend, radical Islamist terrorist group al Qaeda released a statement condemning the candidate for being "too boring for anyone to give a camel shit."

WASHINGTON, DC - A recent, highly criticized study by the United States Bureau of Labor Statistics claims that the national unemployment rate has been hovering somewhere between 40 to 45 percent since the 2008 financial crisis.

The findings, which vastly contradict all previous BLS estimates, came as a huge surprise to most experts studying macroeconomic conditions.