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Trojan Releases Penis Flavored Condom

The world of flavored condoms was rocked yesterday as Trojan
released a secret flavor long in development.  The new ""penis flavored"" condoms
come at the head of extensive scientific research into men's nether regions.

Said the Trojan design team, ""Women nowadays want something raw and virile.
 Something potent.  Cherry and citrus-flavored condoms are too weak for adequate
arousal.  By contrast, the penis-flavored condom will usher in a new era of
sexual pleasure.  Society returns to its roots.""

Historical Sell-Out Products

In the 2008 Presidential election,
venders turned huge profits by exploiting the image and message of Barack Obama
on everything from T-shirts to It's Time for a Change Diapers.  This is nothing
new.  Fame and social action has been exploited for centuries:

Elmo Celebrates 21st Birthday


How Are We Liking Our Meat?

Young - 15%

Black - 18%
Medium Rare - 11%
Endangered - 6%
Fresh off the cob - 21%
Done right - 13%
"Animal-style" - 16%

How to Protect Your Home From: BURGLARS

1. Make your home look occupied - hire a bunch of people to hang out in your house all day while you're at work. You can find these people for cheap on the streets.
2. Don't make your home inviting. Some burglars watch TV, eat, even nap while they work. Make sure to keep absolutely no sources of entertainment,
food, or beds in your home.

50,000th Member Joins 'Save Darfur' Facebook Group

In a shocking occurrence, the 50,000th member has joined the "Save Darfur" Facebook group, causing activists everywhere to rejoice that Darfur is now saved.
Aaron Pace, founder of one of the many Save Darfur Facebook groups, has repeatedly stated that if over 50,000 members should join, the militia leaders of the Janjaweed will cease violence in Sudan and stop the genocide.


Satire V: Hey Jim, how are you today?
Cramer: Look the markets may be down, people are running for the exits, but I sense a turnaround is coming
real soon. There's always a bull market somewhere!
Satire V: But the Dow is down 400 points today and 40% from its highs"

Why I Voted

  • Wanted sticker
  • To fight the man
  • To enable the man
  • Enjoy bubble sheets
  • Thought it was "Road to the Whitehouse" midterm
  • Peer pressure
  • Paid by Teamsters

Why is the US dollar weak?

  • Pictured presidents aren't even presidents (specifically: Hamilton, Franklin)
  • Gold standard changed to pyrite standard
  • "Take a Penny Leave a Penny" is for commies
  • The Everything Sale at Macy's.
  • Depreciating Christian values
  • Fort Knox has walls made of delicious gummy bears
  • Homeland security's new "tourism=terrorism" policy
  • Actual disparities between spending and saving

Jesus' Last Supper More Like Last Buffet

After centuries of scholarly analysis, art historians have concluded that Jesus' last meal was "less a simple supper and more an all-you-can-eat, Vegas-style gluttony fest."

Says Giacomo Cassola, "I don't know why we never noticed this before, but there's very obviously a chocolate fondue fountain visible in the background. It looks delicious. And those strawberries are just... to die for. You can tell Jesus agreed by the look in his eyes."