BUENOS AIRES— At a press conference following the conclusion of the 125^th annual session of the International Olympic Committee, outgoing IOC President Jacques Rogge announced that the 2020 Summer Olympiad had been awarded to the Radcliffe Quadrangle. Rogge, who in his tenure has seen Summer Games awarded to cities as diverse as Rio de Janiero and Beijing, said that the sporting body’s decision to choose the Quad as an Olympic venue would cement the “quirky” legacy of his presidency.

Cambridge, MA—As part of a slew of new renovations designed to promote inclusiveness, the Women’s Center today unveiled their new “privilege check”. The facility, located behind a Rawlsian Veil of Ignorance and adjacent to the pre-existing coat closet, allows visitors to the Women’s Center to check their privilege before entering the facility beneath the Canaday dorms.

Franklin Scheub, a grizzled old man well-known throughout the environs of Harvard Square, reminisced as the Class of 2017 moved into their dorms and oriented themselves with college life.

“Oh, the memories I have,” said the senior, his beady black eyes peering out from his wrinkled visage and bushy white eyebrows as he raised a mug of black Au Bon Pain coffee with his trembling hands.  “So many things.  And this year, I remember all of it.”

Natalie Alvarrez, a senior in Currier house has finally responded to your email after "not seeing it." "I literally just saw this email from you and I would love to grab dinner with you some time!" said the short response from Alvarrez, senior in Currier House.  Sources near to Alvarrez confirm that she definitely did not put a star next to your message when it arrived in her inbox 14 hours ago.

Mather sophomore Ernie Jacobson has found it hard to believe that blockmate Julia Frinkle can’t believe that sophomore year is almost over, and that, by extension, junior year has almost begun. 

Julia’s Facebook status, “OMG, TWO YEARS DOWN ALREADY??  I can’t believe we are almost JUNIORS! Thanks everyone for a great year! ” indicated to Ernie that Julia is having difficultly understanding that she is, in fact, almost a junior.  

Despite a warm invitation from her alma-mater Harvard College, award-winning journalist Soledad O’Brien has turned down the opportunity to be this year’s Class Day Speaker, citing concerns that she was unfit for the occasion, and suggesting that “Cee Lo Green should be Class Day speaker, not me." 

LAGOS, NIGERIA -- Oluwafemi Oleowo '14 heads back to campus today after a harrowing 6 day period of being stranded in his home country. Oleowo, [pronounced o-lay-o-woah] the prince of a small municipality in southern Nigeria, decided to take a last minute trip to his kingdom to catch up on the state of affairs, meet with government officials, and most of all get some well deserved R&R.

From the Desk of President Drew Gilpin Faust:

Members of the Administration, Resident Deans, and the Faculty,

If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.