CAMBRIDGE, MA -- According to a recent email sent out to the students, faculty, and staff, Katie Lapp, Executive Vice President of Harvard University, is currently trapped in February 29.

CAMBRIDGE, MA— Thespians representing the Harvard-Radcliffe Dramatic Club voted yesterday to limit the number of productions that UC officials are eligible to attend. Titled the “Open Theatre Ticket Ordinance of 2016”, the group decided that this was “the only way” to provide drama to the broader non-UC community at Harvard.

If you are anything like us at Satire V, you've probably procrastinated on planning your Spring Break until now. But don’t worry- we've got you covered. Here are some cool last minute Spring Break options for you and your lazy and/or disorganized friends.

Wild But Accessible: The T

CAMBRIDGE, MA –- Advisors all across campus are preparing to kick off the 2016 awards season, starting with the Star Family Prize for Excellence in Advising. The highly coveted prize comes with a gold star sticker and the opportunity to give a three-minute speech that will invariably be cut short with instrumental music after just thirty seconds.

Cambridge, MA--According to reports, a Harvard computer algorithm expressly designed to help students find love has given up. 

"We're experiencing issues with user results," said a message on the algorithm's website. "The problem is you people. Like, how does this happen?"

The algorithm proceeded to cite the fact that the classic 1970 film Love Story took place at Harvard. "I don't believe it. Love is dead, frozen along with the Charles River," it said.

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- According to a recent email sent out to the students, faculty, and staff, Katie Lapp, Executive Vice President of Harvard University, is currently trapped within the new public toilet in Harvard Square.

CAMBRIDGE, MA – At 7 pm last Monday, Gov 1359: The Road to the White House opened its doors for the first time in four years to a crowd of more than 500 students. This class on the American political process, which meets for only three hours a week and includes a “campaign memo” assignment worth as much as the midterm, instantly became a hit with anyone looking for a “gem” this semester.