and entering


Dentists Unanimously Endorse Teeth

CHICAGO, IL--Members of the American Dental Association unanimously reaffirmed their commitment to teeth at their monthly meeting Tuesday, voting to endorse a report supporting having teeth in people’s mouths.


The report, developed by a small faculty committee in January 2015, reiterates dentists “long-held and oft-expressed view that teeth—especially real ones—are essential to eating and stuff.” 


Apple Refuses to Open Up

UNITED STATES, EARTH – Following a denial to share information with the US Government, Apple CEO Tim Cook commented that “he really wasn’t ready to open up” about the company and country's relationship. “Nothing’s official yet, but if we were in a Facebook relationship - which we AREN’T - it would be ‘it’s complicated.’” A source close to the issue said that "they've been running in circles for a while; they aren't that great about talking about things, but there's a whole lot of texts."

Bush Runs for Office, Trips

COLUMBIA, S.C.--Earlier today, Jeb Bush tripped on the sidewalk on the side of a major thoroughfare, tumbling to the ground in front of stunned spectators. Bush reportedly overslept and missed his limousine ride to a South Carolina primary results watch party, forcing him to jog 2.3 miles to his campaign headquarters.

Other Things Jeb! Bush Has Called "America"

After GOP presidential candidate Jeb! Bush posted a photo of a personalized handgun on social media with the caption “America” that was met with resounding support and rousing patriotism, Satire V sent its crack investigators to find out exactly what else Jeb! feels symbolizes the Land of the Free. These colors don’t run, baby:
Flyover states
Supersonic 5.1-Channel Surround Sound
Stephen Colbert (And So Can You)
The Germanic languages

Presidential Race Swallows Christie Campaign Whole

TRENTON, NJ -- New Jersey Governor Chris Christie suspended his presidential campaign today after a poor performance in the New Hampshire GOP primary. At a press conference this afternoon, Christie admitted that the state had taken a big bite out of his campaign budget, and that he could not afford to continue.

Iowans Regain Eyesight After National Spotlight Shifts

DES MOINES, IA- Full recovery is expected for Iowans blinded by the national spotlight last week.

“At first, it was really scary,” reports Ed Johnson, one of those momentarily rendered sightless, “I couldn’t find my corn. I couldn’t find my truck. I couldn’t find my wife.”

“And so I was like, where’s my wife?” he adds, shivering, “but nobody responded. Most likely she was outside.” 

Broncos Players Thank Teammates, Family, God for Future CTE

Members of the Denver Broncos appeared in a press conference on Sunday evening following their Super Bowl 50 win to express their gratitude to everyone who had supported them until now on their path to the victory and a future diagnosis of Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy, or CTE. 

"Other" Surges In Polls After Defeating Jim Gilmore In Iowa Caucus

CONCORD, NH -- While Marco Rubio's impressive third-place finish has received most of the attention following Monday's Iowa Republican Caucus, an outsider candidate known as "Other" is gaining increasing visibility and nationwide support after outpolling Jim Gilmore in the caucus, with 119 votes to the former Virginia governor's 12.

Jeb Bush Quietly Hangs Iowa Caucus Participation Ribbon on Refrigerator

After returning home early this morning following the Iowa caucuses, Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush softly used a magnet to adorn his refrigerator with a blue ribbon simply labeled: “PARTICIPANT.”  

Man Takes To Street On Hands and Knees, Donning Four Legged Pants

CHICAGO, IL— In response to a recent viral Facebook post that has triggered ongoing debate about the proper way for a dog to wear pants, local resident and social justice enthusiast Bobby Ridder has taken to the streets to prove what he believes to be the correct answer.

“I had to take a stand,” said the avid four legged pant supporter. “Ever since I was right about that blue and black dress, I consider it my civic duty to prove what I know to be true.”